How To Ride a Mechanical Bull

That last buck was a close one, almost sending you flying through the air. But this bull has no sympathy for you or anyone else. Your free arm flailing wildly, you’ve finally started to figure out the rhythm of the beast. Your friends are laughing and strangers are taking interest. Maybe it’s time to try level 2…

Mechanical bulls have enjoyed a resurgence of popularity in recent years. If you’ve never ridden a mechanical bull before, here are five reasons (among many others) to give it a shot.

• Somebody needs to break the ice.

• You dream of riding real bulls someday.
• John Travolta / that “Sex and the City” woman / Madonna.
• You recently discovered the joys of cowboy boots and hats.
• You have lots of faith in your chiropractor.

And here’s a quick ‘n dirty set of rules for riding the mechanical bull.

1. The bull can’t gore you, but it can still beat the crap out of you. People who aren’t careful (or sober) enough can lose teeth, break bones and sustain head injuries when riding a mechanical bull. While all this could be hilarious to your friends, you might not be laughing as you sober up (which happens pretty fast when bones are broken).

2. Start off on low levels, and move up one by one. Skipping levels of difficulty is a recipe for a hard landing.
3. Use your free hand to help you balance. Bull-riders don’t just wave their hand in the air because it looks cool (but it does look cool). You’re not supposed to hold on with both hands; that’s why they only give you one glove. Your free hand helps your body adjust to the spins and bucks of the bull just as holding arms outstretched would help a tightrope walker. Know what else helps? A cowboy hat in that hand. It’s an undisputed fact.
4. If you’re a woman, prepare to be hit on… There’s bound to be a group of cowboys with their panties all in a twist about how stunning you looked. That bull seems to go easier on female riders, too – they want you to stay on the bull. Hmm, wonder why…
5. Wear pants. If you get on that bull wearing shorts or a mini-skirt, you’re going to be unhappy. But once again, your friends might laugh till they’re sick.
6. Squeeze with your lower body, and relax your upper body. Remember that old rule about a tree bending with the wind – if it doesn’t bend, it breaks? The same is true of you when riding a mechanical bull. Use your knees and legs to root your body to the bull, but allow your upper body to be rocked, swayed and whipped in all directions. Don’t tighten those upper body muscles.

See that mechanical bull over there? Riding it is a barroom activity that doesn’t require you to sacrifice your dignity in order to entertain yourself and your friends. You might just earn the admiration of a special cowboy or cowgirl out there. Show that bull who’s boss!